sweet tooth - EDIT for CREDIT

so dieting really isn't too difficult for me. we don't keep snacks around the house anyways. but every once in a while i really want some sugar.

here's the solution...

1) preheat oven to 200 degrees fahrenheit

2) line a 9 x 9 pan with some foil

3) take a banana

4) cut in half lengthwise, like so ...

photo credit and more recipes

5) sprinkle with cinnamon

6) drizzle lightly with olive oil

7) bake for 10 minutes and enjoy!

serioulsy people.

d e l i c i o u s

all natural

so i stepped up my working out last week, and then stepped it up again this week.

last week i added M & W aerobics/kickboxing classes and more strength training, which is about an additional hour on top of the hour i was already doing.

then this week i added a M-F class, i don't really know what to call it. let's call it crazy intense, because it is. that's another hour. so M &W i work-out 3 hrs, 2 hrs. all other weekdays, and 1 hr. on saturday.

also this week i started taking a supplement recommended by friends to boost my metabolism. "all-natural". well-known. i know people who have taken it and it was really effective and helpful for them. basically it's a bunch of caffeine, in my opinion, whether in the form of taurine, or guarana, or black tea, or simply "caffeine", but i decided to give it a whirl.

so i took said supplement 1 of the 3 times i was supposed to on monday, then did my walking (7 am), aerobics and strength training (7 pm), and crazy intense (9 pm) workouts that day. tuesday i took 2 of the 3 supplements and did my walking and crazy intense. wednesday (yesterday) i took all 3 of the 3 daily supplements, did my walking, aerobics/strength training ... and then my stomach was cramping so bad that i couldn't go to the crazy intense one last night. let's just say the bathroom and i were way tight. seriously... i didn't feel well.

and today i feel like i'm still recovering. kinda tired and sluggish feeling. just blah.

so i was thinking is it too much working out? is it the supplements? (which are well-known to be pretty healthy, and like i said, "all-natural", etc. etc.) am i not eating enough for the amount of working out i'm doing? did i drink too much water? (i forgot to mention i also significantly increased my water intake this week...)

and i decided it's simply the supplements. caffeine and i have never been the best of friends. and i think that taking 3 coffee cups worth of caffeine on a regular basis is not going to react well with anyone's body really, but especially not with mine. hence the crazy, aching tummy and rekindling of mine and the toilet's relationship.

i swear this post has a point. and here it is:

are there "quick fixes" to weight loss? yah, i think there are. there are pills, surgeries, suctions (i guess that's surgery), insane fad diets, supplements, etc. but they all have repercussions. and it seems that in the end the pay-off wouldn't be quite as rewarding, because when all is said and done you're left wondering what you could've done just with you, your body, your diet, your exercise, your will power... just you. at least that's what i would be thinking.

so, i have made a definitive decision to not use any weight loss "aids". no matter how "all-natural", or well known, or effective, or whatever they are. it's just me and my fat from here on out, and we're going to battle it out to the death.

and i'm going to win.

a couple of my favorite recipes

oatcakes

4 egg whites

1/2 C. oats

1/2 tsp. vanilla

dash of cinnamon

for extra flavor, thinly slice a banana and cook it in the cakes.

i usually top it with an unsweetened fruit puree... just blend up a nice ripe nectarine or something.

150 calories w/o banana

200 with

cottage cheese and tomato

1/2 C. cottage cheese

1 tomato cut in chunks

lightly salt and pepper

135 calories

your assistance please...

so i just learned about a program called ko'olau loa's biggest loser

i want to join.

they want me to find 25 sponsors.

each sponsor donates $10 per month for 6 months and become my support group.

it starts this week. i go for my weigh-in, body-fat test, and cardio test tonight.

will you please be one of my sponsors??

update: not doing the competition, but found a way to still attend the workouts.

avocado baked goods

cake: D E L I C I O U S !!

frosting: not so much.

seriously way too sweet ... thought i was gonna puke.

but the cake with a regular buttercream frosting would be superb.

but then again, why in the world would you use a $6/lb. avocado in a cake??

let's just chalk this one down as a fun experience.

on phentermine...

just thought i should say i was well aware of the risks associated with taking an amphetamine, and usually i'm not into taking scrips or OTC or any chemical body-fixers, really...

in a previous post i had even commented that i didn't think the risks of phentermine were worth it. and, well, i guess i've gotten desperate. desperate enough that i was willing to take that risk to lose the weight.

obesity is not just a physical illness, it's mentally draining. i feel judged, misunderstood, unwanted. i honestly think i've lost friends because of my weight. you say, "crappy friends." i say, "who wants to hang out with the fat chic?" i feel like i'm judged at face value a lot, unavoidably so. like people assume i eat burgers and chips and ice cream all day, and give me advice like "try eating more fruits and vegetables" or "brown rice is healthier than white rice", which is always well-intended, but carries behind it the assumption that i'm currently not eating fruits and vegetables or didn't know that gorging myself with sticky rice might be a bad thing. or how when people are doing a physical activity like hiking, biking, or whatever, we're usually not invited. and that makes sense to me; we don't look like the type of people that do that stuff ... but we do do that stuff. or like when my dr. said, "you use butter, right. try using olive oil instead of butter."

yah, thanks. i don't use butter...

i think the tipping point was last thursday when i took my "before" pictures. i looked at them and literally gasped. i asked case, "did you know i look like that?? i didn't know i look like that... really, do i look like that?"

and then i cried. hard and long. because this body doesn't accurately represent who i am. and all of the unwanted misjudgments and advice and self-consciousness seemed more deserved than i had ever imagined.

i had no idea how big i am.

so when i saw it there in all 360 degrees, i think all my mental strength collapsed. and i wanted the fat gone, and gone fast. so i rushed off to the doc to get some kind of metabolic booster.

seriously people, i am so sick of being fat. i hate it.

anyways, the new route to success is some herbal life supplements, of course with continued diet and exercise. i'll post my work-out routines on the sidebar, and my "yesterday's food" food log too.

and my apologies that this was definitely a "downer" post. if you've ever been fat, you understand.

(side note: this is not spurred on by, nor directed towards, anyone in particular. or even a response to any comment[s] in particular. just me venting.)

what i'm making this weekend

so saturdays are my free days, meaning i can eat whatever i want, and i have this weird mindset that i have to eat junk on saturday. like, i avoid fruits, protein drinks, etc. cause i think, "oh my gosh, it's my day for sugar... EAT IT!!"

ridiculous, eh.

and i realized this last weekend as i was craving a nectarine and some carrots and kept saying to myself, "no, no. think of something else. something i CAN'T eat sun - fri." .duh.

so this weekend: sugar. yes. still a tad healthier than other forms of sugar? yes.

i bring you chocolate avocado cake with avocado-citrus buttercream frosting (found here).

the CAKE

3 C. all-purpose flour

6 tbsp. unsweetened cocoa poweder

1/2 tsp. salt

2 tsp. baking powder

2 tsp. baking soda

2 cups. granulated sugar

1/4 C. vegetable oil (almond oil recommended)

1/2 C. soft avocado, well mashed (about 1 medium)

2 C. milk

2 tbsp. white vinegar

2 tsp vanilla extract

- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour two 8 or 9 inch rounds. Set aside.

- Sift together all the dry ingredient EXCEPT sugar. Set that aside too.

- Mix all the wet ingredients together in a bowl, including the super mashed avocado.

- Add sugar into the WET mix and stir.

- Mix the wet with the dry all at once, and beat with a whisk (by hand) until smooth.

- Pour batter into greased cake tins. Bake for 30-40 minutes.

- Let cool before frosting with avocado citrus frosting.

the FROSTING

8 oz. avocado meat (about 2 small to medium, very ripe avocados)

2 tsp. lemon juice

1 pound powdered sugar, sifted

1/2 tsp. vanilla extract.

- Peel and pit the ripest avocados you can get your hands on.

- Whisk avocado meat and lemon juice with an electric mixer (whisk attachment, not beater) for 2-3 minutes, until slightly lightened in color.

- Add the powdered sugar a little at a time and beat. Add vanilla extract until combined. If not using right away, store in the fridge.

or if you're feeling extra chocolately, try the avocado chocolate mousse as your frosting (found here):

4 ripe avocados

1 C. of sweetener

1 tbsp. vanilla extract

1 C. cocoa powder

- After scooping and pitting avocado, place in a food processor or blender.

- Add the sweetener, vanilla, and cocoa. Blend/process until fully blended. Mixture should be smooth and the color of chocolate.

- Can be served instantly, but it is recommended to cool it in fridge for at least an hour. Good with strawberries, raspberries, bananas, and pineapple.

can you tell i l o v e me some avocados!?!?!

enjoy your free weekends, people!!

LISTEN UP FOLKS!!

every MON and WED night from 7-8 pm

hau'ula elementary by the playground

free aerobics class!

20 min. aerobics, 20 min. kickboxing, 20 minutes strength training.

all for F R E E !!!

yes, seriously.

i went to the dr. and the dr. said ...

so, i've been working with my primary care physician with this whole losing weight thing. i hadn't seen her since i think early july or something, so last friday i thought i'd go in and update her (oh, and i wanted some phentermine...)

my appt. was set for 2. i showed up early, they let me in quick, i was thinking, "sweet! i've never been in and out of here in less than an hour... this rocks!"

and then i had bountious time to read an entire magazine (true story) sitting in the exam room. oh well.

so she comes in. first she wants to check my birth control (implanon) and asks how my periods are doing. i blah blah my way through it because, remember, i was there for weight loss. but thanks for checking...

then i brief her: "interval walking program, diet plan, really motivated, keeping a food log, awesome friend is helping me, trying to get my calories up to 1200 because right now they average around 700 a day. i want phentermine." that's basically how it went down. i just vomited all that info. out in 30 seconds flat and then sat and stared and waited for ... what? for something... i don't know. praise? "GOOD JOB FOR WALKING EVERYDAY!!" or "WAY TO STICK TO A DIET!!" or "GEE, 700 CALORIES IS MIGHTY LOW THERE KIDDO." or "DAMN YOU'RE DOING FANTASTIC!! SIGN ME UP!"

yah, not so much.

"why would you want to increase your calories if you're trying to lose weight?"

"um, because i only average 700 a day... that's ... kinda ... um ... kinda low ...."

"oh... well, ok. and walking? what's you're heart rate when you're walking? how long do you walk for? walking really isn't going to do anything for you."

"it's speed walking... intervals ... interval training is better... burns more fat. sometimes i jog a little, but mostly walking... it's really fast walking.... fast."

"heartrate?"

"oh, i don't have a monitor. but i can buy one... my heart rate gets up there pretty fast pretty easily."

"and for how long? cause if your heart rate isn't in the cardiovascular zone for more than 40 minutes, you're walking isn't doing anything."

*crickets chirping*

tears welling up

"o. k. so i need to add more exercise. i can do that!" (side note: and i have)

"and eat less."

"less than 700 calories?!?!"

"eat less. exercise more. it's all about calories in, calories out."

here she drew a picture of a cup, or a tube, with arrows pointing in and arrows pointing out, in case i didn't understand.

"so my net caloric intake should be negative??"

"way negative. not including your base caloric output. (what it takes to pump your blood, get air through your body, keep your brain functioning, etc. it's you're weight time 10. that's what the typical person should eat to maintain their current weight ...) what you eat should be less than what you burn doing exercise."

"so if i do an hour walk, say that burns 450 calories. i should only consume 300?"

"well, i don't know the numbers..."

"what about all of the research about low caloric intake causing all sorts of problems?"

"that's not science. gastric bypass patients, basically they have caloric restriction. they might not have the energy to get off the couch, but they're losing weight."

silence. long, awkward silence.

"can i have the medicine?"

"no. your insurance wouldn't cover it anyways because you have low blood pressure, low cholesterol, and low sugar. you're not a health risk."

"but i'm obese!"

"but you're a healthy obese person."

and that was that. i left. no phentermine. feeling like my sore muscles and increased walking speed were unworthy of this butt munch's praise. i cried. a lot. for a long time.

and then i decided i'm going to get a new doctor, and then go work my hind parts off for the next year. and then next fall i'll go back to dr. butt munch for her to check my birth control, and tell her,

"oh i just increased my calories and took some phentermine. worked like a charm."