this time it will work

so...

it starts today. i'm eating 1200 calories a day for now... i'll adjust it as needed.

i start taking phentermine tomorrow. think what you will, some people need help fighting the battle of the bulge. and i am some people.

and we start p90x today. it's gonna be a "light" version because of my blasted ankle. but something is better than nothing. we're gonna keep doing our family bike rides and i have a goal to get outside more.

fat is embarrassing. so the sad truth is i prefer to not leave the comfort of my front door. i don't have, nor do i want to purchase, clothes that fit. i'm self-conscious of what people think. i judge myself through their eyes and label myself accordingly, and then decide to not invite myself to any future social functions. bleh... depressing little truths of being obese.

i'm gonna keep a "foods i ate/ calorie log" on the sidebar like i tried once before. i like doing that. i feel like the calorie counting thing is something i OWN. seriously, so on top of that one. when i was talking to my doc about it i said, "c'mon, give me a limit. i swear i can do it."

she was skeptical.

she kept looking at me and the belly of mine that was flopped over my zipper.

"i've eaten less than a 1000 a day before... so shoot. give me your best shot!"

"1200."

"1200 it is."

cause seriously, i can count, and i can sacrifice. and i can eat nothing but boiled eggs and celery sticks if i have to.

so my goal, cause goals are important. i want to lose 80-85 pounds in 6 months. i know... crazy. but that's what i'm going to do. because i want to have another baby. and i need to be healthy before i start out on that.

my christmas present to myself: be healthy enough to get pregnant.

hmmm...

kinda makes me sad to look over there at that sidebar and see all my grand plans and schemes that failed right before my face...

the ankle.

dec. 30

hiking - it was, to me, a kick-off to a new lifestyle

lots of hiking, biking, swimming, jogging

a c t i v i t y

i hiked the hau'ula loop trail with a friend. i was doing good. carried gwen the whole way, working my little tukus off... sweating like crazy. i was so energized and ready to change!

i was SO so pumped for what 2010 had in store in the weight loss/new me department.

and then i spent the first 2 months unable to walk.

awesome.

my doc says i can't run until next year. we'll see. i've tried a couple times and it hasn't worked yet.

so for now i'm cycling (just started this past week), walking (can't speed walk yet, but walking at all is a nice addition), and i'm hoping to start swimming soon up at the school. throw in some upper-body work-outs and healthy eating and hopefully something will happen...

so frustrating and depressing.

bleh.

boiling point

ok, so this is it. i'm 27. 28 is my favorite number... i'll be 28 in july. i've been looking forward to this birthday for 2 decades, and i'll be damned if i'm gonna spend it self-conscious and embarrased about my saggy stomach and dimply thighs.

i'm going to do something that never occurred to me before. you know the phrase "a watched pot never boils". well, maybe it doesn't. i'm focusing all my energies and efforts on losing weight. my goal is to lose weight. so then when i work and work and work and don't lose weight, i stop working. that's what happens time and time again. so, i'm going to stop "watching my pot". my goal is no longer to lose weight. my goal is to be a finisher in the honolulu marathon in dec. 2010.

my mini-goals are a 5k in the spring, a 10k in summer, a 1/2 marathon in fall, and then the marathon in dec.

i feel good about this. it makes sense to me. it's a long term motivator. i can do this.

YO, I'M BACK!

so we moved, and now we're pretty settled, and i'm ready to stop being fat again.

you with me?

sweet tooth - EDIT for CREDIT

so dieting really isn't too difficult for me. we don't keep snacks around the house anyways. but every once in a while i really want some sugar.

here's the solution...

1) preheat oven to 200 degrees fahrenheit

2) line a 9 x 9 pan with some foil

3) take a banana

4) cut in half lengthwise, like so ...

photo credit and more recipes

5) sprinkle with cinnamon

6) drizzle lightly with olive oil

7) bake for 10 minutes and enjoy!

serioulsy people.

d e l i c i o u s

all natural

so i stepped up my working out last week, and then stepped it up again this week.

last week i added M & W aerobics/kickboxing classes and more strength training, which is about an additional hour on top of the hour i was already doing.

then this week i added a M-F class, i don't really know what to call it. let's call it crazy intense, because it is. that's another hour. so M &W i work-out 3 hrs, 2 hrs. all other weekdays, and 1 hr. on saturday.

also this week i started taking a supplement recommended by friends to boost my metabolism. "all-natural". well-known. i know people who have taken it and it was really effective and helpful for them. basically it's a bunch of caffeine, in my opinion, whether in the form of taurine, or guarana, or black tea, or simply "caffeine", but i decided to give it a whirl.

so i took said supplement 1 of the 3 times i was supposed to on monday, then did my walking (7 am), aerobics and strength training (7 pm), and crazy intense (9 pm) workouts that day. tuesday i took 2 of the 3 supplements and did my walking and crazy intense. wednesday (yesterday) i took all 3 of the 3 daily supplements, did my walking, aerobics/strength training ... and then my stomach was cramping so bad that i couldn't go to the crazy intense one last night. let's just say the bathroom and i were way tight. seriously... i didn't feel well.

and today i feel like i'm still recovering. kinda tired and sluggish feeling. just blah.

so i was thinking is it too much working out? is it the supplements? (which are well-known to be pretty healthy, and like i said, "all-natural", etc. etc.) am i not eating enough for the amount of working out i'm doing? did i drink too much water? (i forgot to mention i also significantly increased my water intake this week...)

and i decided it's simply the supplements. caffeine and i have never been the best of friends. and i think that taking 3 coffee cups worth of caffeine on a regular basis is not going to react well with anyone's body really, but especially not with mine. hence the crazy, aching tummy and rekindling of mine and the toilet's relationship.

i swear this post has a point. and here it is:

are there "quick fixes" to weight loss? yah, i think there are. there are pills, surgeries, suctions (i guess that's surgery), insane fad diets, supplements, etc. but they all have repercussions. and it seems that in the end the pay-off wouldn't be quite as rewarding, because when all is said and done you're left wondering what you could've done just with you, your body, your diet, your exercise, your will power... just you. at least that's what i would be thinking.

so, i have made a definitive decision to not use any weight loss "aids". no matter how "all-natural", or well known, or effective, or whatever they are. it's just me and my fat from here on out, and we're going to battle it out to the death.

and i'm going to win.

a couple of my favorite recipes

oatcakes

4 egg whites

1/2 C. oats

1/2 tsp. vanilla

dash of cinnamon

for extra flavor, thinly slice a banana and cook it in the cakes.

i usually top it with an unsweetened fruit puree... just blend up a nice ripe nectarine or something.

150 calories w/o banana

200 with

cottage cheese and tomato

1/2 C. cottage cheese

1 tomato cut in chunks

lightly salt and pepper

135 calories