duh ...

i guess i should have thought a bit about my timing in starting my whole "eat healthy, exercise, stop being fat" campaign. i think 80% of the people i know were born in the months of march and april. 

births = cake.

lots and lots of cake. 

and cookies.

and burgers.

and cupcakes.

and treats.

all that stuff. 

not that i intend on cutting out sweets ... i planned on doing the weekend thing. but then yesterday was casey's birthday, and i may or may not have had two cupcakes plus a slice of cake. and a piece of pizza. 

dang it. 

it's all about the ratios

it's true, women. according to science, men of science, a waist to hip ratio (WHR) of .7 is good lookin'. audrey hepburn, marilyn monroe ... .7s. which means their waist circumference is 70% of the hip circumference. 

my WHR is indubitably not .7.  i could measure and see what it is, but i just don't think my tender emotions are ready for that. 

let's get real. i done went and got fat on myself.

i'm not happy being heavy.

it doesn't suit me. 

so here i go. inspired by a friend, and determined to be damn sexy again, i will eat food that doesn't taste as tasty as the food i'm currently eating, and do things that burn more calories than the things i am currently doing. 

here here!

and can i get an 'amen sista'. 

and maybe a 'woot woot', too.

welcome welcome

so, this blog is obviously private. if i invited you, consider yourself ... well, invited. that means i trust you to not judge me based on my weight, measurements, pics, not-always-perfect language, etc. i intend on being completed unedited in this blog. so if i'm feeling down, you'll hear it. if i'm feeling fat, you'll hear it. if i'm feeling proud, you'll hear it. unedited.

see, what this is all about is i'm fat. i'm technically obese. yep. i've never been "skinny", that's just not how my body is, but i've been pretty attractive if you ask me and the boys who wanted me (mwah ha ha!!) i want my confidence back. it packed up and left about 30 pounds ago. i want my clothing style back. they seriously don't make cute clothes for fat girls. i want to learn how to surf, and need to fit into a decent swimsuit before that can happen. i want my friends to know i'm not letting myself go. i want my kids to be able to hug my waist. i want my chin back, too. actually, just my whole face, please.

now there are a few things i want that i'll never get without a surgeon: small boobs. tight abs. i guess that's about it. well, maybe i can get tight abs ... i just don't see how all this saggy skin will ever snap back into place. 

oh, and we want to start trying for #3 this fall. and i absolutely cannot allow myself to get pregnant until i lose weight. seriously. it's not healthy. and it grosses me out. with gwen i was heavy and i could tell that people didn't really know if i was pregnant or just fat. and i kind of felt the same way as their faces looked. so not again.

i want to lose between 60-70 pounds. whoa, that's crazy! i weigh 195. that's how much i weighed when i went to the hospital to have addi. sick. i feel comfortable between 125-130. 

my weaknesses are sweets. i would say i eat nearly one treat a day, like 2-3 cookies, or a candy bar, or an extra bowl of cereal before bed. if sweets are there, i will eat them. all of them. my body doesn't get that if there is a plate of cookies, i don't have to eat every morsel. i can seriously eat a dozen cookies at once. yep. and cake. *drool* LOVE cake. not so much into ice cream, but the baked goods seriously call my name. LOVE 'EM folks. 

other than that i really eat pretty good: oats, eggs, turkey bacon occasionally (like once a month), lots of chicken, some steak and fish, lots of veggies: squash, broccoli, carrots, spinach, etc. etc. we eat out way too much, like 2-3 times a week, because i hate cooking. so that's a huge vice.

another one is water. i prefer flavored beverages to water. the taste of water makes me gag. but i'm getting to where i can choke it down pretty good.  but flavored drinks: juice, chocolate milk, soda at least once a week, that's something else i need to "downsize" in my life.

and exercising. seriously, i don't get how mom's have time to exercise. do . not . get . it. when? when do you do it? after they go to bed? before they wake up? during nap time? send them to a sitter? how do you make it work??? i would love to workout, but not at the expense of my children's happiness. i can do the dishes and let them scream, or vacuum ... any cleaning really, and i don't feel too guilty. but i just can't hack it for working out. their screaming wins.

so, there it is. most of it, anyway. i've laid it on the table.

so cheers to a less bumpy me.

unedited.