walking

yesterday i went on a .65 mile walk/jog. uphill (for a little bit, at least). that's something ...

hi

still here. still fat. been a bit overly-consumed with trying to buy a house.

i'll be back eventually ... i'll post on the regular blog to let you know when you should start coming over here again.

thanks!

m o t i v a t i o n

i'm obviously having a bit of struggle in the motivation department. i don't know why my weight isn't more pressing in the forefront of my mind!? like i said before, part of me doesn't realize how large and in charge i am, and that part is the dominant part.

so i've been trying to think of ways to stay motivated, and here's what i was thinking. i think i'm going to do a 90 day, (12 wk) weight loss stint. and the goal will be to blog a bit daily, and to post a pic daily.

you might have noticed the picture-less nature of this blog, well any of my blogs, actually. you'll be hard pressed to find a full-body version of myself.

but here's to accountability: starting may 3 (that's next monday) i'm going to do a daily update post with a picture of me in my skivvies. (is that how you spell skivvies?) seriously, how incredibly humiliating ... i know. but i need to do something, so i figure i'll try this and see if it works.

and "why not start it tomorrow?" you might wonder. well, it's gonna take the 5 days between now and then for me to work up the courage to show you wonderful people what i look like (eek!). that's why.

so enjoy your weekend, because monday i'm giving you the motivation to never ever eat cake again.

POST EDIT: whoa, sorry for the completely anti-climactic nature of this post. yah, a pic was NEVER posted. probably won't be for a long while ...

what bandwagon?

private blog, right? so, here's a little known secret: we are actively house hunting. quite actively. we look at 2-3 houses a week.

and we found the perfect house. in kailua. (yep, that there's a link) just a block from kailua town. a mile from kailua beach. detached 2 car garage for casey's woodshop. 3 bed 3 bath. plus a studio behind the garage that we could rent out. fenced in yard. space for the kiddos to run and play. space to park 3-4 vehicles ... PERFECT!

and we love it. i fell in love with it. a lot.

so after we realized it is highly unlikely for us to actually get said house, i bawled. i know, nuts. but i did. i cried practically the whole drive home from kailua to hau'ula. like the shaking body, i-don't-want-to-look-at-another-house-ever-again kind of cry.

then i went to foodland and bought a box of swiss cake rolls (which, by the way, i haven't eaten in seriously  y e a r s). by the end of my emotional soothing 2 were left.

i can't tell you how PUMPED i was to write that episode on the food log ...

week 1: in review

I ROCKED IT for the first two days. 

during tuesday's yoga i totally pulled  a neck/back muscle. pain. irritating. hurt to look down and to lean my head to the right. and to use the right arm. 

stupid stef didn't stretch enough. duh.

so, let's be honest. i went on what was intended to be a rigorous hour long walk wednesday, because that involves no neck/back muscles. um, i made it around the block 1 3/4 times and met a neighbor who then invited me to dinner which was pizza, and she just kept putting more and more and more on my plate. i mean, what was i supposed to do? refuse it? of course not. that would make me a haole. i ate it.

and the ice cream afterwards.

so, maybe i had pizza for dinner three times this week. 

at least i wrote it down in my little food book so i can show it to the doctor next month and she can say, "see right there [gesturing towards the 600 calories of all-food-groups-mixed-into-one, not-so-italian meal of tastiness]? that's why you're fat."

and then thursday i counted my rigorous floor scrubbing as my work out. friday ... um, i chased addi up and down the beach a couple times. that works, right? 

no?

oh, so that's why i'm fat, too.

better luck next week, eh?

(this is where you say, "there is no next week, fatty!"

and i laugh while my belly jiggles - the envy of every polyester-bearded, rouge-enhanced mall santa.)

yesterday ...

i went to the dr. 

humbled.

said i needed help because i'm fat and i don't want to be.

she was nice. there was a med student there doing his rotations, so i had the happy opportunity of telling 4 people why i was at the dr.

the receptionist

the nurse

the med student

the dr.

awesome. bring on the humility. gobs and gobs of it.

"so what are you in for today {glance at chart} stefani (said like gwen stefani, not stephanie. thanks mom.)?"

"i'm fat and i need help losing weight."

{crickets chirping}

"oh. ok. well, let's get started!"

(FACT: only skinny people can be that cheery when talking about weight loss.)

ok, so it wasn't really that bad. really. and i like the doc. STORY: i think the best part was when the med student was checking my thyroid by feeling my throat as i swallowed and then addi rubbed my belly and said (quite loudly), "baby. momma baby ... gentle." (i'm seriously laughing SO hard typing this. it was SO embarrasing and SO funny.) at least she didn't kiss my currently vacant mid-section!

anyways, so i went for two reasons. #1. i was hoping maybe there was some sort of thyroid problem or hormonal imbalance or something going on that could explain (read: excuse) my large self and my inability for the past two years plus to make my large self small. #2. i wanted drugs. c'mon, we all know that phentermine works, right ... have you seen those people?? they lose weight. they have increased energy. their metabolism skyrockets to mt. everest. huh? oh, what was that? serious side effects? oh you mean the heart problems (read: failure, aka attack), possible stroke, irritability, jittery muscle movement etc. etc. yah, i guess i'm not into that risk/benefit relationship ... 

SO ... it looks like i'm normal, so i'm just fat because i like sugar. that's swell. AND there is no miracle cure for obesity. diet and exercise. pah. like i haven't heard/tried/done/failed that before.

so, life is what it is. and so far i'm day 3 into the crusade. i'm crazy sore from squats and lunges and kicks and push-ups etc., so i walk funny and can't quite reach like normal. that's good! and i'm hungry. that's good too. and i feel guilty when i eat anything with sugar ... i guess that's good.

and, well, that's all for now. i leave you with a pic found here ...

gratitude: 

because it could be me.

(only i'd never wear a tube top, strapless-halter, polka dot number)

today ...

i did it!

yes. i rock. 

i know.